You know you've been in Russia too long when...

You ride the marshrutka (van bus) shouting 'ostanovite' (Stop) EXACTLY where you want to stop, and not worrying about handing your money to the driver via 6 people.
You know more than 60 Olgas.
You changed apartments 6 times in 6 months.
You don't feel guilty about not paying on the tramvai (trolley).
You actually enjoy shopping at the rynok (outdoor market), and you think that Ramstore is the most advanced supermarket you've ever been to.
You no longer think washing clothes in the bathtub is an inconvenience.
You carry a plastic shopping bag with you 'just in case'.
When crossing the street, you sprint.
You are impressed with the new model Lada or Volga.
You hear the radio say it is zero degrees outside and you think it is a nice day for a change.
You argue with a taxi driver about a fare of 150 rubles ($5) to go 10 kilometers in a blizzard
You actually know and CARE whether Spartak (Moscow's soccer team) won last night
You win a shoving match with an old babushka for a place in line, and you are proud of it.
You are pleasantly surprised when there is toilet paper in the bathroom at work/school
You give a 10% tip only if the waiter has been really exceptional.
You are relieved when the guy standing next to you on the bus actually uses a handkerchief.
You discover a new love for beets.
You know seven people whose favorite novel is "The Master and Margarita".
You change into 'tapki' (slippers) and wash your hands as soon as you walk into your apartment.
You start thinking of black bread as a necessary part of dinner.
You drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
You begin refering to locals as 'nashi' (our's).
Locals start refering to you as 'nash' (our).
You know more than 20 Lenas, 30 Mashas and 60 Sashas.
Purchasing a ticket on the first attempt feels like the triumph of a lifetime.
You are rude to people at the airport for no reason.
You haven't worn your sneakers for anything but offical exercise in months.
'Remont' (remodeling) becomes an integral part of your vocabulary.
Cigarette smoke becomes 'tolerable'
You think metal doors are a necessity.
A gallon of milk seems like a foreign concept.
The elevator aroma seems reassuring somehow.
You do not take off that silly sticker on the sunglasses that you just bought.
Your sister wrote to you about the best prime rib she's ever had and you can't remember what prime rib looks or tastes like.
You sit in silence on your bags for a few moments before leaving on any long journey.
You catch yourself whistling indoors and feel guilty.
You never smile in public when you're alone.
You know the official at the metro station/airport/border post/post office/railway station, etc. etc. is going to say 'nyet', but you argue anyway.
That strange pungent mix of odors of sawdust, sweat and grime in the metro makes you feel safe and at home.
The word 'salad' ceases to have anything to do with lettuce.
Mayonnaise becomes your dressing of choice.
You do not leave any room between you and person in front of you in line. Ever.
It seems normal to you that stores close for lunch.
You voluntarily take a stroll in the park on a sub-zero day.
You are no longer surprised when your taxi drivers tells you that before Perestroika, he worked as a rocket scientist.
You dress up in your best outfits for work/school.
You laugh at Russian jokes.
You specify 'no gas' when asking for water.
You see one person per year jogging in Russia and you stop and stare in confusion.
You can heat water on the stove and shower with it in under 10 minutes.
You begin paying attention to peoples' floors and can distinguish the quality of linoleum and/or parquet, and thus determine social status, taste, and income e.g. embezzled, earned, pension, unpaid, etc.).


And when you get home…

You try to pay a traffic fine on the spot and get arrested for attempted bribery.
You try to get the waitress's attention by shouting, "Hey! Girl!"
You look for 'kvas' and 'kefir' in the supermarket and ask to buy half a head of cabbage.
You see a car with flashing lights and think it's a politician.
You are in awe that after three days at home, your shoes are still clean.
You answer the phone with 'Allo'?
You feel queasy when someone tries to shake your hand through a doorway.
Before getting in line at the grocery store, you ask 'Kto poslednii?' (Who's last?)